by Harmony Kwiker
Your nervous system is the living bridge between body and spirit—the place where biology, energy, and consciousness meet. It is the instrument through which you experience connection, safety, and aliveness. When this system is regulated, your awareness flows freely through the body. You feel grounded, centered, and able to meet life from your awake, responsive Self.
When the system becomes dysregulated, the flow of energy constricts. The body tenses, breath shortens, and the mind loops in stories of fear or control. These moments of disconnection are not failures; they are invitations. Every wave of activation or collapse carries wisdom about what has not yet been integrated.
Regulation is not about forcing calm or controlling experience—it’s about learning to stay in relationship with what is present. As you bring awareness, compassion, and validation to your inner world, the nervous system remembers how to restore its own rhythm. Through this reconnection, the flow of life re-emerges and coherence is restored.
Ultimately, nervous system regulation is a spiritual practice. It restores alignment with the Source that beats your heart, the vital force that animates you, and the truth of who you are beneath all patterns of protection.
Three Primary States of the Nervous System
| State | Description | Inner Experience | Supportive Approach |
|---|---|---|---|
| Ventral Vagal | Grounded and safe; social engagement system online | Connection, curiosity, calm alertness | Presence, eye contact, gentle breath, co-regulation |
| Sympathetic | Mobilized for action (fight or flight) | Activation, anxiety, restlessness, urgency | Slow exhale, grounding, movement, validation |
| Dorsal Vagal | Collapsed, frozen, or dissociated | Numbness, fatigue, withdrawal, disconnection | Gentle awareness, warmth, movement, relational contact |
Each state is intelligent.
Our work is not to remove dysregulation, but to stay connected to ourselves as the wave moves through.
Regulation vs. Suppression
Regulation does not mean calm at all costs. It is the capacity to stay in relationship with our experience, even when activated.
Suppression—trying to make feelings go away—creates more fragmentation. Awareness, not control, is the path to restoration.
5 Steps to Regulate Your Nervous System
Step 1: Notice What’s Here
Bring gentle awareness to what you’re feeling in your body right now—sensations, emotions, thoughts, or energetic movements. There’s nothing to fix or change. Simply notice what is present. Awareness itself begins to restore coherence.
Step 2: Wrap It with Awareness
Imagine holding your experience in a soft field of light. Allow awareness to surround the emotion, sensation, or thought with warmth and curiosity. This presence communicates safety to the body and signals to the vagus nerve—your soul nerve—that it can relax.
Step 3: Validate Your Experience
Offer yourself compassion by saying inwardly, “It makes sense that I feel this way.” Validation is not indulgence—it’s alignment. When the body feels seen and understood, resistance softens and energy begins to move.
Step 4: Ask What It Needs
From this place of awareness and safety, ask the sensation or emotion: “Is there anything you need from me right now?” Listen deeply. The wisdom of the body always responds—sometimes as an image, a word, or a subtle shift of energy. This is self-attunement and responsivity—the foundation of embodied healing.
Step 5: Let the Energy Move
As awareness deepens, the body will naturally guide you toward regulation. You might notice a breath, a sigh, a yawn, a tear, a tremble, or a sense of warmth. Trust these movements—they are signs of your nervous system completing what was once incomplete. This is how awareness becomes transformation.
Remember
Regulation is ultimately about becoming a safe space for yourself. It’s learning to offer your own body and spirit the same conditions you would offer a client—presence, compassion, and permission to be exactly as you are. When you stop trying to change your inner experience and instead meet it with awareness, your system feels the safety it has been longing for. From that safety, the nervous system naturally begins to reorganize, energy starts to move, and wholeness is restored.
Download this free PDF as a reminder of how to regulate your nervous system.
Continue Your Learning
If this resonates with you, I invite you to join The Awakened Therapist Level 1 Training. This is a transpersonal counseling certification training, where we explore a trauma-informed approach to facilitating deep transformation.